Notes
I am Carina Collet, a third year English major at Wartburg College. I was an All-American in the 10k my freshman year, then was an All-American in cross country and the indoor 5k my sophomore year. At outdoor nationals, I bombed, finishing 9th(?) in the 10k and 13th(?) in the 5k. I rallied for cross country this fall, finishing 11th for an All-American spot. The problem is that now it is track season again, and despite consistent training, my times are slower this year than they have been before. I believe that this is due to a mental issue; a fear of failure, a lack of joy in racing, and a general sense of annoyance with myself for not being able to do what I know I am capable of.
How do I relearn to love the race? I live for practices: long runs, workouts, mileage, but I dread races; a race is just another chance to fail. I know that I need to change my mindset; I need to see races as an opportunity to thrive, to compete with some other fast girls. Running should be an outlet for all of my other stress, not a stressor itself.
I am going to work on visualizing in my meditations. I am going to institute the mantra "fast is fun." I am going to heal. I am going to grow. I am going to stop worrying about qualifying or proving myself. It will be hard. I am going to try to be more positive. This will be an exhausting and arduous task, because I tend to steep myself in negativity and self-loathing. I will get better soon, 'cause I have to.